In Aubrey's short life she's only had 3 teachers - 4K, kindergarten and now 1st grade. Her 4K teacher and kinder teacher were both women. Her 1st is a man - Mr.R. About my age, single, no children. I thought he was really cool. and kinda cute, but that's completely beside the point He seems to really connect with the kids, and makes learning fun - making up "Mr. R. Life Stories" focused around the letter friend of the week - brought his own keyboard in to the classroom for the kids to play music.
However, he seems to have a defect common among men, though let's not stereotype, okay in which he doesn't seem to communicate well. But here's where you come in, because maybe I am over-reacting....
A few weeks before Halloween, I send a note, saying if he wants to do a Halloween party of any kind, let me know (I'm one of the "room moms") and I'd work on organizing it. Never heard from him. (This incident didn't bother me, just sharing.)
Three weeks ago, on a Thursday, I send a note saying that beginning Tuesday to please let Aubrey walk with Corin (who has a different teacher) *after the bell rings* to the front as we (Corin's mom and I) were switching up the way the girls are picked up and we want them to leave the building together. Tuesday comes, and Corin stops to get Aubrey. Mr. R refuses to let Aubrey go, saying he'll walk her up, they can meet in the lobby. He proceeds to get to the lobby with Aubrey and tell Col (I wasn't there that day) that he will NOT allow his students to walk the halls without him, it's against classroom policy. No big deal, right? Except that maybe acknowledgement of my note, with a bote back, or a call, saying he couldn't do as I asked would've been nice..... next day I send a note saying I am sorry for any problems, didn't realize it was an issue, but in the future if he can't do as I've asked, to please let me know immediately..... his LONG note back saying he is sorry if I feel that the care of my daughter is being disregarded, blah blah blah - I never accused him of not caring about my daughter, I was just asking gthat he let me know what's up. That ended with me leaving him a voicemail pretty much laughing and saying, "Dude, we are not communicating well with eachother - I think you are a great teacher, I trust you with my daughter, I just need to know what's going on if you can't do as I've asked, got it?"
I was ready to chalk it up to a mistake, we all make them, maybe I was over-reacting a bit, whatever, no biggie.
And then, tonight, I learn that Aubrey is in a "Friendship Class." She is being pulled out of regular class time with 5 other 1st graders (out of 65-70 total 1st graders). And why do I know about Friendship Class? Because Mr. R. talked to me about it? Umm, no. Because Corin has some anger issues, agression issues, etc. and her teacher wanted to recommend to her mom that Corin do this class - Corin gets there, and Aubrey's there. According to Aubrey this was her first day in the class, too. 3 boys, 3 girls. I know the 3 girls, and Aubrey while far from perfect has completely different issues than these 2 other girls, she doesn't seem to fit into the same classification as the other 2. I can't speak for the boys. And I can't say that Aubrey doesn't need to be in this class - because I don't know a freakin' thing about it.
Seriously, am I over-reacting in wanting to yell and scream at Mr. R. that he had no right to put Aubrey into a class, that, rumor-has-it must be recommended by the teacher, without so much as a heads up that he was going to send her?
And, how should I deal with this situation?
Well I seriously probably can't help you. But I suppose I could try. In regards to these "notes". Do you give the note to Aubrey, and have Aubrey give the note to Mr. R? My main reason for asking, is how do you know that Mr. R is indeed getting your notes? ...because that could be the problem right their. Altought my gut is telling me it isn't that simple.
ReplyDeleteSo moving on. You just need to talk to the dude. Sit down-parent/teacher conference type, let him know what you are thinking. I think the only way you can really come across how you mean is in person. Notes, voicemails, phone calls, email etc...all of those can be taken out of context. And well if that doesn't work, go up the ladder and speak to the principal. Good luck!
Oh my gosh, I wish I knew. I haven't had a kid in school yet (just preschool so far), but it seems to me that a face-to-face is required for something of this magnitude. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteto follow-up and respond -
ReplyDeletewhen notes are sent in, they go in Aubrey's school folder and Mr. R. empties the folder each morning - he sees all homework, notes, etc. as long as they get put in the folder, so it would be an odd day that he didn't see a note.
and, I do not like confronting people in person, since I lean towards shy myself - I either get so upset I cry (even if I am mad, I cry) or I just blow off my issue like it wasn't a big concern at all - so for my sake, if I want to say what I need to say, in person is too hatd for me.
and now to what went down.... I called the principal and explained what I knew. she was kinda puzzled that Aubrey ended up in this class, as she wasn't on the class list. We set up a telephone conference for the afternoon, when she and Mr. R. could speak with me and Andy.... Mr. R. explains that since I'd told him of Aubrey's shyness at the beginning of the year, he's been watching, and while he thinks she's made great improvements (I agree) he wanted the school social worker to observe her. Mrs. K. went to Aubrey's class to observe her on Monday, but she arrived during a quiet period when the students were working individually, and Mrs. K. needs to see how Aubrey is interacting with her classmates, so one of the teachers suggested that Aubrey join the Friendship class for yesterday ONLY for observation's sake, as Mrs. K. runs the friendship class. Such an easy explanation, I feel rather foolish, but there you have it. And, no current plans for Aubrey to be in any other SAPs (student assistance programs) at this time, especially the "friendship class."
Wow, total lack of communication. I read the follow-up and it seems you got it all worked out but DANG!
ReplyDeleteI think, maybe, exchanged email addresses might be a good solution?
or, phone calls in place of notes.
((hugs))
this mommy thing is so hard and it does not get better after they go to school. The issues just get BIGGER and way harder. Instead of a bunch of tiny issues (spilled juice, diapers leaking, coughing induced vomit) we get to deal with less frequent BIG issues. It is boggling, huh?