13w6d, tutus and one LONG vent

I am officially out of my first trimester, and am mostly done with the icky feelings. Still very exhausted, because sleep alludes me even though I am freakin' tired. And still not gaining any weight, but seeing as I was a good 20 lbs overweight, I'm not concerned.

AND, I met my midwife. She is so sweet, so laidback, so my kinda midwife! She owns a birth center, but also attends homebirths. We are leaning towards another homebirth, but I am glad we have another comfortable, safe option if we aren't feeling 'home' (because I KNOW we will not be feeling hospital unless there is a medical reason for it). I was pleasantly surprised, though, that Andy thinks he'd prefer home... since our previous midwife missed Sasha's homebirth, I was thinking of the birthcenter for his sake, mostly.

And, Ali's wedding is in less than a month. Woohoo! Our trip out there begins in just over a week, with a stop in Colorado Springs to spend several days with my Jaimie, and at some point some time with my April (April! We've got to look at schedules... Friday, June 10th, in the evening??? or some time Saturday June 11th, during the day???) Combined, Ali and Daniel have 3 nephews and 5 nieces. Or, 3 nephews and 5 flower fairies. The 3 youngest - Lauren, Kate and Sasha - will be in tutus. (And shirts, my model was naked for the photo shoot - we're lucky she had the tutu on at all, as she was also throwing a tantrum.) I am really happy with how they turned out. Really, really happy. Sometimes I get my craft on and really kick some butt. ;-)



And, on the drama side of things, I am done with drama. Been done for years, but occasionally some sneaks in, and I get to figure out how to deal. So, here's my vent about the situation... feel free to ignore if you want, I just need to get it out.

A year ago Judy and I became friends. Very good friends very quickly. And I observed that her favorite way to deal with conflict was to get pissed at people and not talk about it, but choose to ignore/avoid the person she's mad at. I really didn't think anything of it when she had problems with her neighbor, because she always talked about how her neighbor frustrated her, and *hello* you can't pick your neighbors, so if you need to ignore them, so be it. I really didn't think much about it when a similar situation happened with the wife of her husband's coworker. Again, *hello* sometimes people are in your life whether you want them there or not.

BUT, seeing as we chose to be friends, how she confided an awful lot in me, and I in her, that we have loads in common, when I wanted to talk about an issue between our daughters, this is how the conversation went:

me: Aubrey said that Jax kept touching her during dance class and wouldn't stop, so she asked me to talk to you about it.

J: Well that's not what Jax said happened, but I don't want to talk about it. This isn't the first time this has happened, and I just told Jax to stay away from Aubrey.

me: That's probably a good idea, a break would be good for them.

And that's where the conversation ended because some people can't have an uncomfortable conversation in order to make things better. And the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I'm left to assume that Judy thinks Aubrey is some evil bully (because I have no idea what Jax's side of the story is) as opposed to two grown ups helping their growing daughters realize that they can talk to eachother and figure out a way to get along, because any rational person knows that what actually happened lies somewhere in the middle of Aubrey's side and Jax side.

(No, this was not the first incident between the girls, but I ignored previous incidents as I've always encouraged Aubrey to use her words and work things out on her own if she can.)

SO, I haven't had a conversation of substance with Judy in over a month, and I am counting down the days until we leave on our trip, as by the time we get back, they will have moved to Connecticut. I know, very mature of me. But I've spent enough energy on this crazy lady when she wasn't implying that she didn't like my kid... I have no more energy to spend on her now. And, honestly, I am the one doing the avoiding, but it all relates to her not knowing how to communicate if there's something other-than-pleasant to talk about.

Thanks, feels good to get that out. :-) BTW, something kinda funny... Andy has always maintained that Judy's crazy. I should know by now to trust his take on people. And not necessarily avoid them, but keep a bit more distance than I kept from Judy.

Some random ramblings.....

First, the zophran I've been prescribed for my morning sickness is not working as well as I would like. When it works the best, I feel 80% like myself. When it doesn't work well I feel 40% like myself. Still near-constant nausea, still puking just about every day. I've left a message with my midwife to see if there's anything else I should be doing, or if messing with my dosage is a possibility. And I feel like a wimp even sharing that I'm having such a hard time - I know many moms have morning sickness worse than this. But I need help, and am hoping there's more help out there!

And, Andy's been offered a job in Texas. Officially, now. We're still waiting on the start date, but hopefully sometime in April. Texas is not my final destination, but we'll be a 10 hour drive from family, as opposed to the current 25 hour drive. And, this job, once he's got everything established and running smoothly, he can work remotely from anywhere. We anticipate that we could move to New Mexico 2 years after we move to Texas. Also, these Wisconsin winters are kicking our butts. Our utility bills for December - just under $500. No joke. (I know we'll have heating/cooling costs wherever we go, I'm just sharing our utility costs with you so you can imagine how freakin' cold it's been.)

Also, every once in awhile I come across an article about immigration that just gets to me. And my feelings on immigration (specifically illegal immigration) are extreme. At least I think they are, because I rarely read anything that similar to the way I think. And that's okay. But I am ready to share my thoughts. And I'm feeling sarcastic. Don't feel like you need to read any farther, unless you really want to. Oh, and if loads of comment appear, I will be liberal in my removal of them (not that I'll remove them because I don't agree with them, but if I don't know you and/or you are being disrespectful of my opinion on my blog, out you go!).

Yesterday I read this article from NPR. (Please note that I'm kinda an environmentalist.) The Nature Conservancy has a preserve along the Rio Grande - 1000 acres of jungle. Congress and Border Patrol want to erect an 18' tall concrete and steel fence through the preserve (though apparently not 'forestland'). Construction alone would disrupt this forest and it's imperiled inhabitants so much. Also, imagine how this beautiful piece of land will look with an 18' wall running alongside it. But apparently it will be a permeable wall and allow for wildlife to pass through the barrier.

Please, someone, tell me how the ocelot and jaguarundi will pass through this permeable wall designed to keep humans out. Will the animals be given key cards they swipe at doggie doors? Will the animals be trained to go to the gate and wait in line? Secret password? Pawprint identification?

Also, I have to wonder (and here's my extremism showing through) if someone is so incredibly desperate to flee their homeland that they hike through a jungle inhabited with ocelots, jaguarundi and other rare, threatened or endangered species, why do we have to turn them away? Are their needs less worthy than ours? Are they somehow less deserving of what we consider to be basic needs?

Oh, that's right, it can be argued that they are taking our jobs. Except that the jobs I see 'illegals' (and I hate that term!) doing are often the jobs I see most Americans refusing to do. Low paying manual labor. What? Oh, an American would happily do that job, except they get looked over because an 'illegal' will do it under the table for half the pay? Yes, that's a problem, and it makes me angry. Angry that an employer would devalue any human so much as to offer so little pay. Am I angry at the 'illegal' trying to feed his family? Not one bit. But anyway, isn't that the society we've created? Look at bids to do big construction projects - how often is the offer to to the exact same job for twice the pay the one chosen? If I can get a gallon of milk for $1.50, you can bet I'm doing it. Why spend $3.00 when I can get it for half as much? Right or wrong, this is the system we are part of.

And they are burdening our healthcare and welfare system. Isn't that another argument? People need to eat. People get sick. When they work for so little pay that they can't afford groceries or basic healthcare, it's sad. Citizen or 'illegal,' it's sad. It's true our government wastes an awful lot of money, but I cannot be convinced that giving 'illegals' food stamps and check-ups is a waste of that money.

People are people. Period. And if living with your 10 closest family members in a one bedroom singlewide, scrubbing toilets in the middle of the night and making strangers' beds in the morning is a better life than the one you left in Mexico (or wherever else you fled from), please, come on over! My God taught me to love my neighbor. Though he wasn't especially specific on what he meant by neighbor, I'll take it to mean fellow mankind, and I'll make you dinner.

my coke vent and rainbows

So maybe my desire to vent is cyclical? Or maybe I'm just a crabby patty. I will get to some sunshine too, but mostly this is a whine.

First, Fridays at work are jeans day. To me, jeans day is kinda sacred. Mess with jeans day and I get pissy. So guess what inner-office e-mail went out today? That our new client, Pepsi, will be in the office tomorrow, so business attire is required. Really, to think that our clients can't see us being a fairly typical office and having casual Firday kinda ticks me off. Especially since the clients have yet to walk to the back of the building and wander through our cubicles.

But whatever, it gets worse. In the same e-mail, "by the way, effective tomorrow we are a "COKE-free" workplace." As in, any Coke products were removed from our vending machine and replaced with Pepsi products. I don't like soda, so that really doesn't effect me. Except that the powers-that-be seem to think that our client is so immature they will flake out to learn that some of us prefer the soda their competitor makes or they are so worried about making a good impression that maybe our company kinda sucks and we have to rely on bribing our clients by appearing to use their products exclusively. Either way, it seems to me to be insulting to our client and disrespectful to the employees. So I'm stopping at the store to buy a can of COKE to have sit on my desk all day. I might even carry it to lunch and eat next to it.

I debated wearing a denim skirt, too, but decided against that this time.

In brighter news, it rained all day today, so when I left work there was a HUGE double rainbow, I could see where it began on the horizon and where it ended on the horizon. Seemed almost like I would drive right through it. It's been awhile since I've seen a real rainbow, and I'm not sure I've ever seen one so big from end to end.

And, I am planning on taking the girls on a morning hike Saturday morning. Nothing big, but the nature preserve up the road is fun. Maybe a picnic breakfast to eat up in the tower. I'm getting excited. It may be snowing, but we've got big coats.

Deck the what?!?!? And Halloween, too.

So, I know I want my blog to be positive, but sometimes I'm just gonna have to rant. Like now.

Today was unseasonably warm. Hot, even. Mid-70's. Keep that in mind, would you?

As I left work at 3:30 this afternoon, I marvelled at how nice the weather was. Two Halloweens ago it was snowing, and today I was HOT in my jeans and running shoes (I was not hot because I was running, I was just wearing running shoes).

Get in the car. Unroll the windows. Turn on the radio.

Here's where my rant begins...

Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
'Tis the season to be jolly
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

and here is where you cover the eyes of any little ones trying to learn to read at this moment.





What the F*^#? Seriously? We can't even go trick-or-treating before the over-commercialization of Christmas starts?

I love Christmas. The entire holiday season, beginning with Thanksgiving preparations, is amazing. Such a focus on our family, our Savior, our home, the simple things that make our life complete. And all the baking. I love baking. And the music. I adore Christmas music. After Thanksgiving. Maybe a few songs in mid-November. Not a radio station devoting their programming to Christmas songs now. RIDICULOUS!!!

I know I'm a little crazy about this. I'm usually very easy-going. But one of my life rules is NO CHRISTMAS MUSIC BEFORE NOVEMBER. The unseasonably warm weather was just the cherry on top.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news, trick-or-treating was fun. Lauren fell asleep on the way home from daycare, so Aubrey and I went t-or-t-ing while Andy and Lauren stayed home. Aubrey wore butterfly wings, with a cut-out fish around her neck - she was a butterfly fish (what I'd been at work earlier) and I wore her doughnut costume (cardboard cut-out decorated with felt frosting and sprinkles - what she had been at school*, girl scouts and daycare). And she got enough candy for 6 kids**. Lauren woke up minutes after Aubrey and I got home, so she put on her butterfly wings and I took her to Bob & Bev across the street, and called it a night. And my camera is MIA, so umm, sorry, no Halloween pictures.

*Apparently Aubrey'd been talking about her costume in class - when we arrive with her doughnut costume, one of the girls sees it and says, "Holy God, she wasn't kidding!" All I could do was laugh.

**I've always put a limit on candy consumption, but then it stays in the house for sooooo long, so Aubrey and I decided that we will all each as much as we want tonight, without even asking mom first!!! and then, beginning tomorrow, have a 2 piece a day limit. And, I decided unilaterally that all the candy expires about mid-November, no matter what. As I'm typing this, though, Lauren is claiming that the 11 blow-pops in her hands are all hers, and I'm maybe rethinking our plans for the night. :-)

In a kinda funny twist to my Christmas music/Halloween situation, I found out today that my sister will be with us for Christmas this year. That means enchilada casserole for Christmas Eve Dinner, and Grandpa John's sticky buns for breakfast Christmas day. And thinking of that puts me in the holiday spirit. But it's still way too freakin' early to deck my halls!

How was your Halloween? For your sake, I hope there was no decking of halls, silencing of the night or jingling of bells! ;-)